haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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