I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
