If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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