Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
