I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
