Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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