Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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