just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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