Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
