Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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