Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
