Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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