i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
