I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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