i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
