xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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