I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
