he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
