it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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