I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
