I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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