she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
