I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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