he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
