My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
