just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
