dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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