Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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