yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
