Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You smell like a Billy Joel song
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
