The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize