you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry my hands just texted you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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