My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
