So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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