Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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