So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
