I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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