so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
