Please, let me fuck your mom
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
