The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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