he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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