we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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