I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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