yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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