Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Randomize