i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
