Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
