I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
a search helicopter?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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