the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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