you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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