Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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