I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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