After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
