Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
