I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
