We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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