I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
