I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
