Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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