Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize