I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
