It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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