his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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