Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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