"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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