I just pynch a tree in the face
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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