I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
