i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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