My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize