rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
