Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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