The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
