i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this just has baby written all over it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
