Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You took a bar mat shot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
